Parenting and Fear

With all the current news and coming out of a horrific school shooting this past week, it’s hard as a parent to not fear for our children. Every day there is something new to worry about with our kids, no matter what age or stage they are in.

When they are babies we worry and fear S.I.D.S., as well as other infant issues. When they are toddlers, well let’s be real it’s pretty much a daily, hourly, and minute-by-minute fearing for their lives. Whether they’re taking a tumble down the stairs, getting into the kitchen knives or running away from you at the store. Each and every age and stage has its own parental worry and fear attached to it and as a mom of an almost 18-year-old I can tell you from experience it only intensifies and increases as they get older. (and NO you do NOT get more sleep, in fact, I can honestly say I probably get less sleep with an 18-year-old as I did when he was a baby.)

Why am I talking about all of this? Because our “fear” that we experience is natural, it’s the “Mamma Bear” effect, the “we will lay down our lives to protect our children at all cost” mentality that all moms have. This feeling is what can literally turn us into SuperSHEroes to save our children, we’ve all heard about the mom saving her child by lifting an entire car, finding superhuman strength.

supermom

However, this fear can unconsciously be pushed onto our naturally happy, L.O.A. (Law of Attraction) manifesting children, without us even realizing it. When it comes to how we protect our children, how we guide them away from danger, it is important to realize that more than ANYTHING our WORDS MATTER! If we allow our children to hear our fear, they naturally absorb it, this can become a block for them to manifesting the lives of their dreams later in life, it can settle in their subconscious waiting to stop them from taking that risk that could be the best thing they ever did.

So how do we protect our children, deal with our own fears and anxieties while not projecting it onto them? BREATHE, WORDS and CREATIVE PLAY! Utilizing breathing techniques along with empowering words and creative play can help us get our point across about a particular threat or danger without instilling fear into our children.

hotstove

Let’s take the basic scenario of the child about to touch a hot stove. Obviously, the knee-jerk reaction is to slap the child’s hand away from the fire or hot burner, but how we deal with what is said and how the tone is after is what will shape your child’s view of the incident. This, in turn, creates how they feel and form subconscious thoughts about heat, stoves, and fire and even exploring, taking risks and assessing new situations. Slapping your child’s hand away from fire and heat is clearly what is going to keep them safe at the moment, however losing your cool, yelling or scolding them saying that it’s bad, dangerous and to never-ever touch it, forms negative reactions in your child’s mind. Yes, this can save them from being burnt by instilling fear in them about the burner or fire, however, it can also instill in them a general negative or fear that they pick up from you about how to deal with stressful or dangerous situations.

If you have ever heard of or studied the Law of Attraction then you know that like attracts like. Your fear can create and attract more fearful situations. Your fear can be passed onto your child, leaving them with negative-fearful emotions that subconsciously attract more of those same negative emotions by way of negative situations.

This is when I suggest using the R.A.B.S.A.P. technique. This is a fun technique that I developed even before I was a mom myself. Teaching drama and dance for over 25 years, I began figuring out this technique when I would deal with unruly kids in my classes. Often these children had issues in their home life that would create problems for them in class. When I had my own child I decided to use this technique in my own parenting, and it worked. I have to confess though, as a new mom, it was very hard to always do it and there were many times I found myself in full-blown “freak-out and yell” mode. I’m not perfect, and no one is a perfect mom. However, the more I worked on it, the easier it became to not project my fear onto my son. I can honestly say he is now almost 18, a young adult that I am so very proud of and who is manifesting so much in his life!

So what is the R.A.B.S.A.P. method? It’s an acronym for:
Respond (Quickly fix any immediate danger)
Assess (when your child is safe, step back and assess the situation before speaking)
Breath (take 4 big giant breaths in, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts. Do this 4 times)
Speak (figure out how to explain the situation without fearful or negative words)
Adjust (take yourself and child away from the situation to a place you can begin to teach)
Play (use creative play to teach about the incident in a way that uses positive words yet teaches about any danger to self or others)

This technique is so important for keeping your child in a positive vibration but still teach about the danger of the situation.

I have plenty of stories of me using this and it works, as well as other moms I’ve taught it too, but one of the best stories is of me, my son, one of my best friends and her twins when the boys were all 8 years old. We were in Mexico, Puerto Vallarta, having a wonderful time when one of her boys decided to go off with a stranger on a donkey ride down the beach!…..

I’ll tell you this story and how using the RABSAP technique helped me and my son stay in a high vibration after he was safely back with us and not let it ruin our trip. I will also be doing a FB in the group on this technique and how to use the creative play aspect to teach LOA.

Until next week,

~Shannon Sukovaty
Artistic Director & Imagination Wrangler
Creating Arts Company/CAC Studios

1 reply

Comments are closed.